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yea it was nice

but with the heads as looking so nice, and the bodies looking so bad, it looked like the faces were traced from photographs, and the bodies are a reflection of your true artistic ability, so if you used a smaller, smoother brush for the bodies it would have been alot better, especially considering that most of this was loop after loop, when you cram a flash full of those kinds of loops, the loops need to be mr. clean here! you should have used more layers in the laptop because the bottom edge of the laptop looks like it was there, and then after the finger crossed over it you tried redrawing it how it used to be, but with a bigger brush so it didn't work out, and since like i said, a great portion of this cartoon was the dad in that 2 frame loop of hand up, then hand in a fist with one finger poking the keyboard, you neeed to clean that loop up, it's distracting. and you gotta go to findsounds.com or wherever to find little sound effects for the actions. and maybe when you have sound effects you can show the dad looking at the camera with a raised eyebrow at some point like "what are those kids doing?" and you can do the typical cartoon thing where you hear a bunch of commotion coming from where the kids are, and he stops and looks, but when he looks the noise stops, and as soon as he gets back to work the sound happens again, and this repeats a few times, the dad getting more frustrated everytime, until he goes out to look. and when he is walking out to look, you gotta have his head bounce a bit, it adds some character.
so yea, work on the bodies of the characters
the sound effects
and clean up them sketchy loops
keep it up!

Penciwthekid responds:

Thanks for all the excellent advice, Wam-bo-man!
I'll keep all this great feedback in mind for my next display of questionable talent.

well there was too many pauses for text

and the toaster had some terrible voice acting, and the lip syncing wasn't very good, i liked the length but you need a better microphone.
and the characters need name introductions, oh and one more thing that you can easily revise would be that when they had first heard the toaster talk, and they're hiding behind the couch, and the redhead "jake" says "i think it did . . . but just to be sure" the transition between well drawn jake, and typical horribly drawn jake, wasn't seemless, it needed work, the way i would have done it would be he says "i think it did" then you do a shot from just behind the toaster, and you see the couch, and his head pokes up all scared. that woulda been nice, oh and also when they're behind the couch, and jake is done talking, the blue haired guy goes to say something to the toaster, and he is all of a sudden on the other side of jake, when originally he was on the viewer's side of jake.
loved the effort tho, aaaan i'm looking forward to the rest of the series!

Jochio responds:

i apreciate your review! and also the things you pointed out!
a few of your points however, were mainly because i rushed that part of the movie :P
I already got the message about the part where they switch sides behind the couch though :P
it was a mistake i made, and i didnt have the time to change that, and i pretty much found it amusing.
Episode Two will be greater than this though, and there acualy is some sort of introduction,
but il make Episodes describing them as a person :P

what i don't get is

how is this your "anniversary" gift. if you've only been together for 123 days? and like 16 weeks er whatever, i mean, an anniversary is 56 weeks, which is 365 days, so this is like a monthaversary present, and all those "..." moments were kind of annoying, and i mean it's great that this is just a gift for one person, and like who are we to judge something you made for someone we don't know, but why would you submit this to the internet? you submit to the internet to show the world, and if you only wanna show one girl, you shoulda just shoved it onna flash drive and took it to her house, or e-mailed it to her

SuperAscendedZAIN responds:

4 month anniversary: Yes, they happen.

The pauses where for dramatic effect, though I'll agree they where a bit... meh.

"but why would you submit this to the internet?" Submit it for its animation technique, and such. I dont just want one person to see something i've made. I want many people to se it, and to critique it. Who its for doesnt matter, what matters is the situation, and the execution.

i loved this

hilarious, good animation, nice voice acting, and a message for the kids! there was nothing wrong with this cartoon!!

very well done!

good idea, good writing, good animation, keep it up!

really really well done

but there were definitely some things you could have done frame by frame that would have turned out better, mostly just the astronaut's movements, they were too smooth, and unrealistic, other than that this was wonderful

atta boy!

still making the nice flashes i see! really liked this one bro, good story, good storytelling, good drawing/animation, overall really nice

ahhh! it was amazing!!

perfect! keep up the good work!

codi is hott

and good animation!!! really funny! keep it up!

sick talented

your animation was amazing only thing i woulda added was some kinda sound effect when he pops back up with the giant beast ass mouth

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